Tell Her She is Beautiful

You have heard the old cliche that once you get married that the wife will start turning the husband down when he wants sex. That is not necessarily true. Sometimes, it is the other way around. This leads to the wife feeling as if she is undesirable. Men, tell your wife she is beautiful. She needs to hear that every once in awhile. Why would she make an effort on her appearance if she doesn’t feel that you find her attractive? I told my husband straight up when we got married to never give me a compliment that he didn’t mean. So now, if he doesn’t compliment me, I feel that he just must not feel that I look good. Not all women fish for compliments, but sometimes, if your wife asks you, “How do I look?” or “Do I look okay?” She needs to hear that her effort hasn’t gone unnoticed. If I get dressed up for a wedding and spend extra time to make myself look good and after I have fished for a compliment all I get is “fine,” why should I make the effort? If you don’t feel that she looks beautiful, at least find something to compliment her on. For example, “Your hair looks really nice that way” or just whistle. That is enough of a compliment for me. Your wife wants to know that you find her desirable. If all she ever gets is “you look fine” and then you see Reba on TV and you say, “She is hot!” How does that make your wife feel? If your wife asks if an outfit looks good on her, tell her the truth nicely. I don’t want to go out into public looking dorky, so I really do want your honest opinion. However, be tactful and say something like, “Honey, I love you, but I don’t feel that dress compliments you as well as (insert other garment here).” Always remember that you are the one that is key to your wife’s happiness and well being. Once you have said something negative, it can never be unspoken. If you tell her that she looks too fat in that dress, she will believe you and the fact that “she looks fat” is all she will think about from now on when she gets undressed. If she thinks that you feel she is fat, I doubt she will undress in front of you again. This goes hand in hand with sex. If a woman thinks that she is not attractive or is afraid that her husband will reject her in bed, she won’t ask anymore. This is why men end up with frumpy, unhappy wives. They no longer have self-confidence. Tell her she is beautiful and that you adore her. Let her know that you enjoy having sex with her. If you turn her down, assure her that it has nothing to do with her. For God’s sake, if you don’t have any sex drive, get on some hormone enhancers. Women need sex too.

Photo:
Contributor: Gianfranco Grenar
Rights: Royalty-free license
Release: Model released
Clip ID: D14_7_101
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Boxing, Beer, and Sunday School in Women’s Bathrooms

vlyyvo

Note: I wrote this years ago. To give you some context, my father was a minister and we used to have church at a Knights of Columbus building for awhile. They would have boxing matches the night before, and so, when we got to church, we would find the remains of the night before: blood splattered boxing rings, overturned chairs, and partially drunk cups of beer. There were no rooms to hold Sunday school in, and so, some of the classes would take place in the bathroom or locker rooms.

Overturned folding chairs

and littered plastic cups

that say Miller on the side.

Smashed cigarette butts

and stale smelling air.

Blue boxing ring

in the center of the room

covered in crusted blood.

Spit buckets in corners

sweat rags draped

from their sides.

The saints gather

into the holy place

to sing their worship songs.

Children scatter

to their Sunday rooms,

some the women’s bathroom;

others, to men’s locker rooms,

left damp and gray.

Service ends

and children scatter,

some to find out

what beer tastes like

and others

to race down

echoing halls.

Saints and sinners

coexist in buildings

on a Sunday morning

in May.

 

Alone No More

I walk, walk, walk

across the fields

of sweet smelling grass.

Lifting my head

I feel the rays

of the sun

caress my face.

The wind’s song wraps me

in its embrace,

the trees

dance along

to its melody.

The light shimmers

its jewelistic dusting

off of all

that it touches.

Birds sing

of the past,

the present,

and where roads

might lead me.

Of peace,

of hopes,

of dreams.

I have felt

the weight

of aloneness

in life.

But then

are we ever

truly alone?

We have

the sun in the sky,

the wind in the trees,

and the birds sweet melody.

And today as I 

walk, walk, walk 

across the fields of

sweet smelling grass

I’m set free.

Alone no more.

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My Baby Girl is Leaving Me

This year has been really rough on me. I bawl like a baby at the drop of a hat. Today has been especially difficult on me. I haven’t had much sleep lately; in fact, I have been up now for 24 hours. My husband’s grandfather has been on his death bed for the past few days and he finally passed a few hours ago. I had to judge speech, and so, I was up by 3:45 A.M. and didn’t get home until late. I found out today that a very dear friend of mine is going through a divorce and is hurting really bad, which breaks my heart. My baby girl is graduating in a few months, and I am not handling it well. Now, I can’t sleep because I just can’t stop crying and my mind is riddled with regrets. Being a single mom, my children became my life. I have always dreaded the day that they would leave home and I would be all alone in this world. Now, I am four years into a marriage to a man that I love with all my heart, but it still hasn’t gotten any easier. Life has gotten so crazy busy that I feel as if I have missed four years of my children’s lives. Now, they are leaving me. I have always had to be the strong one, and for years, I wasn’t able to cry even if I wanted to. Now, it seems as if I can’t turn it off. I am so busy with everything that it seems as if I am never not working or running. Most of the time, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that my kids need me, and that I need to be here for them. I came upon a poem that I wrote many years ago when my daughter was young. I think it is very appropriate right now as she will be leaving me in a few months to start her new life. I just hope and pray that she will make wise decisions in her life and not turn out to be a failure like her mom. Please, God, be with her and all my other children as they move on into the next stages of their lives. Protect them, help them make wise decisions, help them have good and happy lives, and help them hold you and keep you in their hearts and lives always.

Caterpillar

Angry brown eyes
and stubborn
set to your chin.

You tell me
that you
will never
forgive me.

You cried yourself
to sleep
last night.

You woke up
cranky,
your brown hair
wild.

You say,
Leave me alone
for awhile.

I take you
in my arms
and hold you
close.

You struggle
against the
bonds my
arms create.

Lately it
always ends
this way.

You are growing older.
More independent
as time goes by.

The gap between
us grows
into a chasm.

Today you are
angry about
the caterpillar
you can’t keep.

Tomorrow you
will shed your
cocoon and fly.

Caution! Beware Government Housing Grants

single-parent-grants-1

              Beware! People need to be very cautious when considering accepting a government-housing grant. This is a program that the government offers low-income families. I have found that this is much of the time single parent families and the elderly, people who are normally powerless and cannot afford a lawyer. The idea of the grant seems great, on the surface. Money is given to upgrade homes to make the homes weather proof and updating items such as the electrical systems. In return, the homeowner is told that they will have to live in their home for 10 years and that 10% of the grant would be forgiven for each year that they lived in the home. The homeowner pays around $40 a month and at the end of the 10 years they would end up having paid around $4,000 for a $17,000 grant.

            What they don’t tell you is that they become the first lien holder on your home. They don’t tell you that if you move or rent out your home before the 10 years is up that you have to pay them back what has not been forgiven in full within 30 days. You are expected to pay them back before you even sell the house and they tack on around $5,000 in fees. If you call them and try to work out payments until the house is sold they will not work with you. They will tell you that you need to give them their money at the end of the 30 days or they will foreclose on the home and sell it to get their money back.

            When the mortgage company is contacted, they will not help you because if you have all of your house payments up-to-date and you are in good standing with them they will not help you. You will be told that if you are behind in your payments, however, that they can work with you. When a lawyer is contacted, the lawyer will tell you that your only course of action is bankruptcy. How do I know this? Because it happened to me!

            I was a single mother of three and purchased a home a year after beginning a teaching position in a small town in Nebraska. A year down the road, another single lady who was a neighbor of mine told me about the grant after receiving one herself. So, I applied for the grant and got it. Fast forward six years, I am remarried to the man of my dreams after having been a single mother for 12 years. The only problem was that he lived an hour away. After commuting back and forth for a year, I was able to get a job in the same town as my husband and we moved in together with our seven kids. Then the nightmare began. It is now over a year later and I am still dealing with the housing grant people and the mortgage company with no end in sight. The house never sold.

                                                                        ***

            Our aunt and uncle and several other people in a neighborhood in Missouri found themselves in a similar situation with the housing grants when their houses burned down due to faulty wiring caused by the electrician sent by the housing authority for the grant. Five houses burned down because the wiring was not grounded. Our aunt and uncle’s dog was killed and one other family lost their daughter in the fires. All the fires happened at different times. They were told that they couldn’t sell their land and that they had to live on that land until the 10 years were up. All I can say is be extremely cautious before accepting a government-housing grant. You could be the next victim!

Credit for Above Picture